What is a definition?

The facts upon which definitions are based are so varied and complex and at times intangible that it requires a giant volume typeset in small print to make the “meaning” of a language understood.

Definitions appearing in the dictionary are precision essays. One takes a word out of the language, a word with countless connections to every other word; a word with history, influence, connotations, and emotion; a word with a unique sound and intonation and which attempts to circumscribe a part of the human experience and assign it to a word. The organizational human brain whittles down an infinity of possibilities, mental tokens, symbols, and feelings into a taut collective that gives simultaneously the broadest and narrowest scope allowable. This tiny audible drama draws together otherwise disparate minds in a repetitive performance, actor and audience indistinguishable in the resulting spectrum of cerebral communion.

A definition is only involved in the scientific method to the extent that observations have been made as to the character of other speakers’ uses of words; and these utterances based on nothing more than childhood imprinting. Therefore, the dictionary is not only a precision essay, but really a minute persuasive composition. It comes complete with etymology and annis and the occasional quote from a refereed source to demonstrate that this particular stance has the witness of ages.

Writers work on essays of many different lengths. Poets on poems of varied meter and line. Of all the genres, the definition is the ultimate terse expression of intellect, a paring down of all unnecessary ornament to leave just visible the outline of a single word.

Poets may weave phrases that expose more of the internal, unspoken self. Dance may connect individuals more viscerally than flapped-tongue speech. Music may move the soul more paces than any mere word can motivate. But the definition, the sweet seed of language, strikes at the core of what a word is, where it has been, where it is going, and what it can do, today, to bring minds together to work towards that singular human purpose of expanding and contracting the very universe in which we live, making it reside within and between and among us, to enrich our days under the sun and enliven the planet for this day and beyond.

Neologism: Piezochronosyngraphophilia

PIEZOCHRONOSYNGRAPHOPHILIA, n. A love for squeezing every last drop out of time in pursuit of the written word.

Follow up: This has become my theme as a writer at work.

Noah Webster's Definition: "Impeccable"

IMPECCABLE, a. [Sp. impecable; Fr. impeccable.] Not liable to sin; not subject to sin; exempt from the possibility of sinning.

Noah Webster's Definition: "Sun"

SUN, n. [ Sax. sunna; Goth. sunno; G. sonne; D. zon.] 1. The splendid orb or luminary which, being in or near the centre of our system of worlds, gives light and heat to all the planets. 2. In popular usage, a sunny place; a place where the beams of the sun fall. 3. Any thing eminently splendid or luminous; that which is the chief source of light or honor. 4. In Scripture, Christ is called the Sun of righteousness, as the source of light, animation and comfort to his disciples. 5. The luminary or orb which constitutes the centre of any system of worlds. Under the sun, in the world; on earth; a proverbial expression.

Noah Webster's Definition: "Tickle"

TICKLE, v. t. [dim. of touch] 1. To touch lightly, and cause a peculiar, thrilling sensation, which cannot be described. 2. To please by slight gratification.

Noah Webster's Definition: "Gentlewoman"

GENTLEWOMAN, n. 1. A woman of good family or of good breeding; a woman above the vulgar. 2. A woman who waits about the person of one of high rank. 3. A term of civility to a female, sometimes ironical.

My 1838 Webster's Dictionary

No book on my shelves can find comparison with this single volume. And it is not merely the cash value of an 1838 Webster’s Dictionary. I have avoided collecting pressed pulp for monetary profit, but instead gather to myself books that can withstand the act of reading.

This 15th edition of Webster’s great book was once owned by the Rev. W. G. Bonoman, if I am correctly deciphering the name. The script seems unpracticed, not as clear as one expects from the antique hand. It is also made in pencil on the blank cover page, rather than the usual bleeding ink lines. On the reverse side, in similar pencil lines but a different hand, is the simple name Mrs. J. M. Herndon.

Another pencil inscription, carved randomly on the top of a page of the book, appears to say:

Once my Fathers
now Mrs. J. M. Herndons

The outwardly simple reflection is yet cryptic, but the placement of the note smacks of spontaneity, as if written on some dreary day after receiving the dictionary of a father passed away. The definitions below offer no clear hints to why Mrs. Herndon was visiting those words on that particular day. All the words begin with BEA. Beat, beast, beatitude,

BEARHERD, n. One who tends to bears.

But the provenance of my Webster has little bearing on its dearness to me. I cherish the book for two reasons. One, of course, is the definitions.

SAUCE, n. 1. A mixture or composition to be eaten with food for improving its relish.—2. In New England, culinary vegetables and roots eaten with flesh.—To serve one the same sauce, is to retaliate one injury with another; [vulgar.]

Like a history book, an antique dictionary fills your mind with the words, and therefore a sliver of the worldview, of a time and people of the past.

My two favorite definitions from the famous book follow. They are simple, but exhibit an multi-dimensional archaicness to the modern ear and mind that is seldom equaled.

ELOPE, v.i. [D. loopen, wegloopen] To run away, to quit one’s station, without permission or right; to escape privately; to depart without permission. Particularly, to run away from a husband, or to quit a father’s house, privately or without permission.

ELOPING, ppr. Running away; departing privately, or without permission, from a husband, father, or master.

The second, and the most important reason why the book is dear to me, is for the silly fact that it was a Christmas present from my wife and was purchased using the very last of our money at the time. I still keep it in the unlabeled white box in which it rested when I received it, enveloped by brightly-colored tissue paper. I pretend that the thin sheets will trap any moisture making an attack on this precious volume.

Every time I open the book, I study the yellow splotches that spread across every page, and ache. I worry that I don’t care for the book enough, that I will some day have to dismantle it and have it rebound in some modern, foreign material. It has become a symbol of my marriage, and especially of my wife’s generous (though not endless) patience with my obsessive study.



I one day found a very special inclusion within my dictionary. Someone, perhaps Mrs. Herndon, pressed two small flowers in the dictionary. And until I found them, they had been forgotten.

Definitions: Psychotic vs Neurotic

In class one day with Douglas, my favorite teacher and mentor, a student, prompted by any possible number of things—this was a syllabus-free Dramatic Writing class after all—asked the professor to explain the difference between psychotic and neurotic.

I remember the moment clearly. Class was on the third floor of the Humanities building, a bright new building containing only nondescript classrooms of only modest size. Such modesty must have been imposed onto the Humanities and violently, in their fashion, opposed by same. I sat in the front row on the far edge of house left. This was my typical seat, facing Douglas, who sat in a chair at a folding table in front of the blackboard. The requestor sat slumped in his chair, his long lacrosse-playing legs sprawling out onto the vomit-patterned carpet.

What is the difference between psychotic and neurotic?

Without missing a beat, Douglas explained:

Psychotic means that you translate everything into purple cow activities. Neurotic means that you have to consult your emotional baggage constantly.

The definition sufficed for me and I imagine that it will continue to support me. Douglas’ ability to translate a technical definition into rich and useful everyday language is astonishing. I have taken his lead and begun work on a dictionary in this vein; a dictionary that requires one to think about the full and complete meaning of a word, without requiring the reader to jot off in search of other murky meanings for clarification.

I know that no psychologist would appreciate Douglas’ rendering, though he himself is no mean analyst. He has tracts of Jung memorized and has sent students trotting off to Zurich in pursuit of a certificate from the International School for Analytical Psychology. New students of his could always expect to have recent dreams analyzed early on in the semester. One girl was upset when he told her that her dream of cuddling a bunny rabbit related a desire to become a mother. She was dogmatically committed to having no children, and did not return for further analysis.

I guess in her case, the diagnosis was neurotic.

Hobsonize

hob·so·nize. v. kiss; after Richmond Hobson, celebrated hero of the Spanish-American War, who was beloved by the ladies and admirably returned the favor by freely bestowing them with kisses while on a cross-country victory tour after the war. Dialect: American, late Victorian.

Philologophile

phi·lo·lo·go·phile n. one who loves those who loves words; fan of philologists, poets, writers, linguists, dictionary authors, and other assorted madmen; a critical reader of etymological dictionaries; collector of books about words and books about books; one in fruitless pursuit of his own dictionary of the contemporary tongue.